I was once told that when you rule the world, there is no one who loves you.
I promise, this is almost painfully accurate.
The people you control will never forgive you for existing, never forgive you for waking up one day and deciding that you knew better. They will despise you, quietly or loudly, and they will not be content until they have found some way to pull you from your throne. It doesn’t matter to them if you say that you’re doing it for them, that you only aspire to command out of the righteousness of your heart and your desires. In their minds, the moment their freedom and self-control is taken away, every word you speak becomes a lie, a deception, a manipulation intended to keep them caged and obedient. Your people will soon enough become restless, whispering words of revolution and proclaiming that you do not have the right to dictate how they should lead their lives.
You will be hated, never loved. Not even by your friends, who will eventually hate you for being too inept or too harsh to keep the people satisfied. Your family will probably feel the same. If they try to support you, the people will turn their resentment towards those very people you hold dear. So, in order to preserve a shred of control in a world where you longer have any, you should sever your emotional connection with the people around you… before they catch you off guard and leave on their own.
I will be perfectly frank. Aside from those first few words, these are all my own thoughts. Amazing how one rogue rumination, muttered mostly in a sarcastic tone, can blossom into such relentless mental turmoil. But I should thank that someone who sparked this inner debate. It’s usually just my thoughts that keep me company these days. Thoughts, regrets, aspirations… I have an abundance of these things. But what I lack is empathy. I have lost the will to create new connections. So really, that person is absolutely right.
When you rule the world, no one loves you. A decade ago that truth would have bothered me. But not now. The only thing, the only person I really loved – they’re gone. So now there is nothing to love, and no reason to worry about anyone else loving me. In a way those circumstances are very liberating. In the wake of their death I succumbed to apathy, but also to clarity. Before they died I had only a half-baked desire to control, to fix what was broken in this world. Now my sense of purpose is galvanized. I have a real reason to seize power, to shape the future of this wretched planet.
Maybe I’m crazy. But… I can do it. I can make it better, I promise. I promise.
Now that the love of my life is gone, I know I can do it. Even if only for a fleeting moment, I can rule the world.
And when I am in command, I will break apart the cold and ruthless sky that shelters the world in a blanket of stagnation. When I rule the world, there will be upheaval. Chaos. Change. And when the dust settles, the world will be better. Not perfect, but something close. Something that isn’t bitter and cold. Hatred, fear, and death are the things I have to create – and then conquer – if I want to succeed.
And it will be worth it. When the reforged world is tempered and sky’s first light appears… I will be allowed to see my love again. Until then, here I stay.
This is my promise. To you. To all of you.
This is the intro monologue to a new sci-fi of mine, titled Cold Broken Sky. I’ll be posting some world-building material soon, and some pictures of the characters.